After many travails, my second column at Inveterate Media Junkies is now finally online:
Severe heartbreak. Deaths of old friends. A resurgence of depression. My son outta town for a couple weeks.
And now…drumroll please…cancer scare!
What the fuck, is it sweeps week?
[UPDATE: After the tests, it turned out I was okay.]
Turns out, my digestive trauma/internal bleeding back around the turn of the year, maybe significant. Turns out, dropping twenty pounds in a month and a half and not being able to regain any of it, maybe significant. Turns out, a few warts and an odd bump in my skin, maybe significant. Turns out, uncharacteristically major spikes of stress caused by minor upsets, maybe significant.
So today was day 1 of tests. Friday’s day 2, with a specialist, and this morning the doc pointed me to another specialist who I’ll likely see next week. Today was all about blood. Friday is likely to be a biopsy. And day 3 will probably entail a full-on colonoscopy.
For some reason, I’m tense. And sad. Well…I was already sad. But now, really tense too. It’s hard to focus on anything. I hope to get my writing done today, at least 500 words, but will at least make sure to get my pushup regimen done.
When fighting demons, you gotta stay in shape.
We all know his words of wisdom, right?
“Do or do not. There is no try.”
That’s all well and good if you’re a super-monk toad-midget with a glowy sword, living in an imaginary swamp, created by a man who’s getting closer by the minute to exhausting every good idea he’ll ever have. But in real life, sometimes trying is all we’ve got.
No one is perfect. Not all actions, no matter how resolutely performed, will be successful. The nature of the scientific method is all about trying, trying this and trying that, seeing what works, seeing what doesn’t. And life is pretty much the same.
You want to “Do or do not, there is no try?” Then only act on simple things, don’t aspire. Stay in your safety zone.
Trying is good. Trying is noble. If you try and fail, learn from it and keep going. That is wisdom.
My status on Facebook as I wrote this:
is trying, in both senses of the word, but trying not to be trying, so it can be just the one sense from now on.
Thanks, New York! Time to oil up the ol’ rubber ducky for the honeymoon!!!
I’ve made a YouTube playlist of most of the Songs of the Week and other music I’ve shared on this blog (89 videos in the list at this writing), and will add new entries as I feature new tunes in the future. Of course you’ll need to find individual posts themselves to see what comments, embarassing overshares, memories, or funny thoughts I originally shared with the various tunes.
The link (which is also in the blog’s sidebar, under “Special Stuff”), is:
My depression is rearing to tell me it hasn’t been vanquished for good, but I’m not gonna let it take over things anymore. This Owl City song reminds me of a really happy time, and it makes me hopeful. Plus, it just makes me smile and want to dance.