Go, Kerry, Go

“George W. Bush is … the kind of politician who would cut down a tree and then climb on its stump to give a speech about conservation.”
— John Kerry


A letter I sent to the Atlanta Urinal-Constipation. Let’s see if it gets printed…

Dear Editors,

Even aside from Richard Clarke’s damaging charges against the Bush administration, even aside from Condi Rice’s fear of testifying under oath, I find one pertinent fact that troubles me a great deal.

Everyone agrees that the summer of 2001 saw a level of terrorist “chatter” of unprecedented levels, strongly indicating that a catastrophic attack was in the making. Indeed, President Bush himself received a page-and-a-half briefing on August 6, 2001, “advising him that Osama bin Laden was capable of a major strike against the US, and that the plot could include the hijacking of an American airplane.”

So what was Bush’s response? He went on vacation. He took August off. He took the longest presidential vacation in HISTORY.

This is the man who now claims to have been at battle stations like Clinton had been during the (foiled) Millenium attacks? This is the “war president” who claims he took the terrorist threat seriously?

Bush has been on vacation a long time. A vacation from reason and responsibility.

Falling for the wonder of WONDERFALLS

Okay, watched Wonderfalls, the new Tim Minear-(exec)produced show on Fox. Turned out, it wasn’t what I thought it was gonna be.


The basic notion is that this young lady is talked at by inanimate objects which guide her to help others or somesuch. The advance preview I saw looked like it was going to be a visual treat (and not just because of the lead, though she certainly contributes greatly). I thought we were in Amelie-land, some Northern Exposure, sweet whimsy and magic realism…

I was wrong. That’s exactly what it is. And more.

It’s sweet and whimsical and magical realist and a visual treat and it’s also one of the most smart-ass shows to come along in a while. It’s genuinely (and hysterically) snarky. This show would give Touched By An Angel the fiercest possible wedgie.

The Los Angeles Times on Wonderfalls:

“…the writing is smart, not merely clever…TV is, almost by nature, a medium of constant disappointment: of good performance flattened by bad lighting, decent scripts killed by bad acting, high production values made to look shallow by ridiculous scripts. We are accustomed to these things from television, which because of its short production schedules and budgetary constraints and the need to sell soap is defined by compromise. But everything clicks here…Dhavernas makes the show work so well, you can’t imagine it working without her; she can throw a little boy up against a wall in rage and not lose your affection. “

The SF Chronicle:

it should be noted that the writing on “Wonderfalls” is superb and reaffirms one’s belief that smart people can actually get work produced in Hollywood. Created by Bryan Fuller (“Star Trek: Deep Space Nine/Voyager,” Showtime’s witty “Dead Like Me”) and Todd Holland (“Malcolm in the Middle”), “Wonderfalls” will instead be best known for the talking trinkets. And that’s fine, too, because they say and do funny things and, truth be told, just seem more authentically interesting than God does in “Joan of Arcadia.”

There is a mood in “Wonderfalls” that evokes the best of multilayered television series, from “Northern Exposure” to the good years of “Ally McBeal, ” straight through, naturally, to “Malcolm in the Middle.” But despite being peopled with well-drawn characters and smart, audaciously careening scripts that induce bursts of laughter, “Wonderfalls” gives us television’s — at least network television’s — coolest female.

Yeah, there are some tough cops and sassy wives, there are hip ensemble players and the two funniest and most dangerous moms ever — Jane Kaczmarek on “Malcolm” and Jessica Walter on “Arrested Development” — but Dhavernas (pronounced “da-verna”), imbibes slacker-coolness like nobody else. She may be developing a young crush on Mr. Nice Bartender, but she’s independent and, as much as she can love anything, loving that freedom. Freedom to sulk, mostly. But at least she doesn’t suffer fools kindly, or flirtatiously, like most female characters on TV. She’s dropped out of society. She’s doing retail — and not very well. She’s living in a trailer. She knocks back more drinks than anyone else in prime time, and she’s not going to apologize for the fact that she’s bored with life.

If that’s not a brazenly drawn bit of prime-time heroine, what is? In a Buffy-less world (hell, even a Carrie-less world), Jaye is a godsend. And yes, there is the distinct possibility that the best freshman drama of the year may suffer the similar fate of past Fox series that also fell under that moniker – – cancellation.

But this is the risk that savvy viewers always run with Fox series. The fate of “Arrested Development” is still up in the air, having failed in its underhanded, documentary-styled genius to woo much of the country. That doesn’t mean it’s any less stupendous, now, does it?

Same with “Wonderfalls.” Maybe the country won’t swoon over the whimsical, endearing travails of Jaye, sent scurrying on missions of kindness she doesn’t really want to undertake by inanimate animals that talk to her, making her feel deeply insane. Maybe the country will miss, then, Jaye’s inherent sweetness and other valuable traits of her humanity, focusing instead on her rolling eyes and searingly obvious distaste for tourists, and, perhaps, the rest of the human race. That’s their problem.

Quoting Jaye — whatever. Yes, maybe the underlying intellectual vibes of “Wonderfalls” will go unfelt, or an appreciation for a snappy 45 minutes of televised illuminism will be lost on some people. But not on you, right? You suffered through September, October, November, December, January and February. This is your time to love TV.

I like it. You might too.


A joke I found:

President Bush was at a meeting and found himself interrupted by a member of the audience who continually shouted: “I vote for the Democrats!”

After a while Bush lost patience and asked : “Well, why do you vote for the Democrats?”

“Why,” the shouting gentleman replied, “My father was a Democrat and my grandfather was a Democrat, and so I am too!”

“Then tell me,” said Bush, “if your father was a fool and your grandfather was a fool, what then?”

“Well, then I’d most likely have voted for Bush!”

Of course, we know this isn’t a true story, because the secret service wouldn’t have let a Democrat within five hundred yards of a Bush event.

They Must Have Been Unpatriotic UnAmerican Terrorist Loving Liberals Who Hate Freedom

From Salon:

The president’s ballyhooed surprise trip to Baghdad on Thanksgiving, widely admired as a cunning political move at the time, just gets more disturbing the more you know about it. A U.S. soldier back from Iraq gave an interview to Intervention Magazine about what went on the day before the president came to town:”Stationed in the area of the Baghdad Airport at the time of President Bush’s Thanksgiving 2003 visit to the troops there, [the soldier] recounts that on the day before the president’s visit, the troops were given a questionnaire that asked them whether they ‘supported the president.’ Those who did not declare their support with sufficient enthusiasm were not permitted to take part in the Thanksgiving meal, and had to make do with MREs (meals ready to eat, referred to by the soldiers as ‘meals refused by Ethiopians’) in their quarters.”

The “pre-screening” of U.S. soldiers was also reported in Stars and Stripes, although the military paper said the soldiers were screened for security reasons. This is also the same dinner, recall, in which Bush proudly raised a too-good-to-be-true “trophy turkey” for his photo-op.


This Friday at 9 pm, we get the debut of the new show Wonderfalls on Fox. This is what Matt Roush at TV Guide has to say about it:

check out Jaye of Niagara Falls, the snarky slacker heroine of Fox’s Wonderfalls (Fridays, 9 pm/ET), a delightful comedy-fantasy series about a young woman with too much education (a philosophy degree) and too little ambition (a job in a souvenir shop). Played with sarcastic bite by Caroline Dhavernas, Jaye learns to “Surrender to Destiny” — the watchword of a local mystical legend — when inanimate objects like wax lions, brass monkeys and stuffed bears begin talking to her, urging her to help others and ultimately herself. She fears she’s crazy. I think she’s great. Ironic and romantic, Wonderfalls is a true original. Surrender to its charms.

Sounds promising, huh? Add to that the fact its Executive Producer is none other than Tim Minear, right hand man to Joss Whedon, steady worker on Buffy, writer of the absolute best Angel eps ever, and co-God on Firefly, and it sounds really promising.

Give it a watch. Hey, if it’s all that, you’ll either be with it from the start, or you’ll have the chance to enjoy its wonders till Fox cancels it out of the dumb-fuckedness of its executive head (see also: Firefly).

HILARIOUS. And true.

I have no idea who wrote this. I wish I did. Actually, I wish I had.

Thousands of formerly ardent Christians filed for divorce this morning, as others raped their children and household pets, after the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court ruled that gay people are citizens too.

“My marriage is over,” spoke one upset Christian as he dry-humped the fender of a parked car. “My marriage isn’t worth anything,” he insisted. “I feel no connection to my wife and children and I just want to do whatever I please, when it pleases me to do it.” With that he turned to a passing elderly woman and shouted for her to reveal her “tits.”

This same scene is being repeated over and over again, on every street in every city and town in America. Once devoted parents and spouses, America’s Christians are denouncing any bonds between themselves and their families as they embark on a binge of sex, drugs and socialism.

“We warned you that this would happen,” insisted one anti-human rights activist. “We told you that gay citizens enjoying equal rights would destroy marriage, the family and even Christianity itself. And now it’s happened,” he said. “You should have listened to us. If you had, I wouldn’t of had to have sex with three different strange men in a public restroom this morning.”

The fallout from today’s decision is enormous and far reaching. So big is the change that swept America this morning that it may be days before a true accounting of the damage is complete. As things stand, one unconfirmed report has Bob Jones Jr., of Bob Jones University, defecating on his bible upon hearing the news, while other witnesses have come forward to report that they had seen Pat Robertson, former leader of the Christian Coalition and the host of the 700 club, enjoying sex with a chair.

Congress was quick to pass an appropriations bill funding the thousands of new orphanages needed to care for the abandoned children. It is hoped that this is only a temporary measure and that Christians will yet accept the financial responsibility for their families, even if they no longer love them and insist on masturbating in public.