Go to this site and read THE BESTEST EVAR SUPERMAN COMIC IN THE WHOLE WIDE UNIVERSE.
It is, in a word, fuckingfunny. Here’s a taste:
Tag Archives: humor
Joss Whedon Hilariously Accepts the Bradbury Award
Joss, showing yet again how freaking funny he is, as he accepts the Bradbury Award this year from the Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers of America.It’s heartening that the Story God was so inspired by Ray Bradbury. Bradbury was the guy who made me decide to be a writer.
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Jon Stewart, National Treasure
Jon Stewart at his best, taking conservatives to task for the escalating hissy-fits they’ve been throwing since they legitimately lost an election (as opposed to illegitimately winning one)…
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A Girl’s Gotta Trim the Hedges
I wish Americans weren’t so hung up so we could have cool ads like this.
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Marvel Comics Hilarity
This is funny as hell.
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One of my favorite things…
…is this flash game. It is wildly cathartic, often hilarious, and, alas, lacking in blood and cracking and crunching noises.
The Sand Castle
Waaaayyyy back in years of yore, when I was about fifteen or so, I used to catch a ride with a man named Larry Something to meetings of the Atlanta Science Fiction Club. Those being the years before widespread availability of videotapes and DVDs and such, Larry would sometimes set up an actual film projector and show rented wonders to us, the assembled nerds. I recall really enjoying these, though I only remember two of them specifically. One was the great Star Wars spoof Hardware Wars (with Ham Salad, Augie Ben Doggie, and Chewchilla the Wookiee Monster, and findable on YouTube).
The other was a marvelous short called The Sand Castle, an evocative piece of stop-motion animation depicting an engaging group of sand-formed creatures cooperating to build the titular castle. I thought it wonderful, and looked for it here and there over the years, particularly once I became a dad, but without luck.
Well, I found it. Turns out it was a product of the National Film Board of Canada, which has now made tons of their stuff available online. And The Sand Castle seems to have been quite a collector of awards, including a Short Film Oscar.
It’s just as cool as I remembered. Check it out:
Click to go watch
The Google Name Game
Facebook is full of list memes, swarms of friendly spam that ricochet through communities of acquaintance, asking for folks to share their favorite whatevers, tell facts about themselves, or just goof off in some weird or creative way. Earlier, I posted my response to the “25 Random Facts About Me” meme (Two Baker’s Dozens of Things About Me, Minus One), which, once I actually applied myself, I found to be an enjoyable endeavor, and I’ve had nice feedback from my friends.
I also partook of a few others, like the one listing my favorite musical performers and the one listing authors who’ve influenced me. Trivial stuff, maybe…but like status messages and many other minor features of Facebook, it’s a sort of virtual small talk that informs friends about each other’s tastes and notions and general headspace. It encourages dialogue, and that’s not a bad thing.
Most of it’s not really blog-worthy, but I found the 25 Things meme cool enough to share here, and here’s another one that I found really entertaining. It’s one of several called a “Name Game,” but maybe ought to be called “The Google Name Game.” It asks that you insert your first name into various phrases and search for them on Google, then choose the best result off the first page of hits and put that in as your answer. I added comments to each because I’m always looking for new places to be a smartass (and I think doing so personalizes what would otherwise just be a bit of random fun).
Here’s the exercise, with my altered version of the directions. Maybe I’ll see yours on Facebook.
The Google Name Game
Google the following, then select the best result from the first page of hits and add a {personal comment} for each answer.
1: Type in “[your name] needs” in the Google search:
Tim needs haircut.
{which is true}
2: Type in “[your name] looks like” in Google search:
Tim looks like Eminem–Hawt!
{thanks…?}
3: Type in “[your name] hates” in Google search:
Tim hates sick orphans.
{damn their hides}
4: Type in “[your name] goes” or “..has gone” in Google:
Tim goes nutsball wacko.
{it is the full moon}
5: Type in “[your name] loves” in Google search:
Tim loves dolls.
{please, they’re action figures}
6: Type in “[your name] eats” in Google search:
Tim eats the first electric pickle.
{at least I’m a pioneer}
7: Type in “[your name] has” in Google search:
Tim has the experience and insights to make your home’s electrical installations, maintenance, and repair projects easy, safe, and fun!
{because I ate the electric pickle}
8: Type in “[your name] works” in Google:
Tim works at a bakery and can prepare a birthday cake in 4 hours.
{made from sick orphans}
9: Type in”[your name] lives” in Google search:
Tim lives in F-land.
{or I used to, anyway, before I got married}
10: Type in “[your name] died” in Google search:
Tim died while doing what he enjoyed with the woman he loved.
{if this is an advance peek at my obit, maybe I’m headed back to F-land!}
11: Type in “[your name] will” in Google:
Tim will work with Joss Whedon again, this time on DOLLHOUSE.
{dammit, now the universe is just mocking me}
KISS vs. Michael Jackson
KISS, keeping the world safe since 1972…
Many, many thanks to Caeric ArcLight for showing me this.
Land of the Lost Trailer
I really hope this turns out well. I loved the show as a kid (terrible as it was, it was mindbogglingly sophisticated as science fiction for kids), and Will Ferrell’s a god.
Coyote’s Been Messin’ With My Cookies
The universe is trying to fuck with my head.
About a week and a half ago, my son and I ordered Chinese food from a local establishment and it was divinely tasty (Pyng Ho, for you curious Decaturites). Afterward, we broke out the fortune cookies to see what Destiny had to say. Nathaniel cracked his first, and I don’t remember what his fortune was. Then I cracked mine open, to find…nothing. No fortune at all.
We joked around about my lack of destiny, my looming doom, that sort of thing.
Well, last night was the weekly family night, in which he and I and my soon-to-be-ex get together so Nathaniel can still have some of the family dynamic he craves (a nice side effect is, it also allows me and the soon2bx to be around each other in a friendly way, regularly, which I think helps alleviate a good deal of the acid that can build up between people getting divorced). We alternate hosting, and it was her turn and she’d decided we were going to go to Doc Chey’s for whatever remained of their Chinese New Year festivities. Doc Chey’s however was closed for that sacred of sacreds, the Superbowl. A quick discussion of possible alternates led to an eager vote for Pyng Ho from Nathaniel, who was salivating over the memory of their sesame chicken.
So, to Pyng Ho we go.
A mussels appetizer that was just tasty goodness. Shrimp fried rice, sesame chicken, and teriyaki chicken, all split three ways. Mango lemonade for me, a honey-peach smoothie for Nathaniel, hot green tea (that never actually arrived for some reason, and I have to say our server, who wasn’t busy, was brusque almost to the point of rudeness) for the soon2bx. A wonderful meal.
Then, the fortune cookies. Nathaniel went first, read his. Soon2bx was next, read hers. My turn. We made some cracks about my lingering lack of fortune from the last time, then I broke it open.
Inside, there were two fortunes.
The Bush Era In Perspective (aka, We Laugh So We Don’t Scream)
As we near the blessed day that (hopefully) the door hits George W. Bush in the ass on his way out, I want to commemorate two bits of canny reportage by The Onion that serve as a pair of bookends to the worst presidency our country has ever inflicted upon itself and the world.
The first, Bush: ‘Our Long National Nightmare Of Peace And Prosperity Is Finally Over’ was one of the single most prescient bits of political writing I’ve ever seen, and had to have actually been written by a time-traveler from the future (or perhaps someone who was actually paying attention to George W. Bush at the time):
“My fellow Americans,” Bush said, “at long last, we have reached the end of the dark period in American history that will come to be known as the Clinton Era, eight long years characterized by unprecedented economic expansion, a sharp decrease in crime, and sustained peace overseas. The time has come to put all of that behind us.”
The second, the video Bush Tours America To Survey Damage Caused By His Disastrous Presidency, is very recent and accurately sums the whole time up in a very funny way:
Goodbye, George. May your name rot forever in history.
Santa Claus Conquers The Homophobes
Not long ago, I shared my review (and recommendation) of a great and blessed bit of splatterpunk profanity called Santa Steps Out
As last Christmas neared, I decided to point other folks toward the book by putting my old Amazon review on the blog. While visiting the book’s page on Amazon, I made two discoveries, one bad, one good.
The bad was that the book is no longer in print. [UPDATE: As of Dec 2020, the book is available from Amazon as a Kindle download] At the time, I think there were some reasonably priced used copies listed, but I just checked and saw that the only available copies on Amazon are all priced to screw the buyer enrich the seller. Searching Alibris, I found pretty much the same, but doing a search on Google Shopping, I managed to find some reasonably priced copies for under $15, including a “worn” copy at Powells for $2.50. So if you want to read this book, with a bit of detective work you can find a copy without buying a pool table for some schmo. Hopefully Devereaux will find a new publisher for it, or at the very least take advantage of the many print-on-demand possibilities available to make the book more easily available.
The good discovery was that Devereaux has published a sequel, Santa Claus Conquers the Homophobes
In this tale, Santa and his holy brood become disgusted at the hatred and violence being perpetrated, in the name of the sacred, upon those born with homosexual proclivities, and they decide to take action. To go into any real detail would rob you of the book’s many, many pleasures, but rest assured it’s a rousing story, masterfully told, full of wit and wisdom, and consistently moving.
This book isn’t nearly as profane and transgressive as the first (and may therefore be an easier read for those with tender sensibilities), but it is full of notions that challenge the status quo in forthright and rich ways. Poppy Z. Brite said about the first book “The only two rules in Santa Steps Out
Devereaux is a wonderful writer, and constantly amazes with his inventiveness. His treatment of what you might call the mechanics of wonder, the way magic actually works in his literary world, is earthy in its matter-of-factness and lovely in its effects. His characters are full-bodied and layered, his depiction of the sacred both accessible and transcendent, and his allowance for redemption for any and all entities, no matter how saddled by personal weakness they may be, is more truly spiritual than any boxset of Touched By An Angel could ever be.
Santa Steps Out
Microsoft: Coming To You From A Creepy World Without Irony
This video, advertising Microsoft’s new program Songsmith, is the funniest damn thing I’ve seen in a while. I’m glad I don’t live in the same universe these people live in…
Buffy Vs. Twilight
Alan Gratz (a really good writer, whose books you should read) has a blog post envisioning what a crossover betwixt Twilight and Buffy the Vampire Slayer might be like:
Following up on the tip from Oz’s werewolf contacts, Buffy climbs in the window of recent Sunnydale High transfer student BELLA SWAN to discover EDWARD CULLEN, a vampire, watching the girl as she sleeps. Edward, apparent-age 17, is impossibly beautiful, with angular features and marble-like skin that sparkles.
BUFFY: Whoa. Turn it down there, Tinkerbell.
EDWARD: Shhh! You’ll wake my darling Isabella!
BUFFY: Right. Sorry. It’s just you really ought to take the batteries out. Somebody might mistake you for a Christmas tree.
EDWARD: I’m sorry. It’s my vampire skin. It sparkles in the sun or the bright light of the moon.
BUFFY: Uh-huh.
It’s great fun, and can be read at http://gratzindustries.blogspot.com/2008/12/edward-vs-buffy.html
Read About The “Dead Folks”
This story was my first professional sale, and it has a weird history.
It was accepted twice, but never published until now. First Ed Hall, then the editor of a visionary magazine-on-tape called Verb, wanted it to be in Verb’s first issue. We even did some studio time, recording me reading the story, which was thirsty work.
Then I got word that my favorite magazine, Pulphouse, wanted the story. To put things in context, Pulphouse was very well known in genre circles, and very respected. It’s the only magazine I’ve ever read that I liked nearly every story they published. Not only that, but they wanted to put my story in a special Harlan Ellison issue, and the idea of sharing pages with Harlan was intoxicating.
So, with Ed’s cheerful understanding, I pulled the story from Verb. They went on to have Ha Jin, Robert Olen Butler, and James Dickey in their first issue. They got coverage on All Things Considered on NPR.
Meanwhile, Pulphouse folded just before the issue that was supposed to feature my story.
The most public exposure the story ever got was thanks to children’s author and master storyteller Carmen Deedy, who loved it enough to read it out loud at a gathering or two. Oh, and Anne Rivers Siddons read and adored it, and gave me lots of encouragement.
I always planned to look for a new home for the tale, but never got around to it. Now, for the recession-appropriate price of 99¢, you can download it to your magical computing box and read it to your heart’s content.
I’ve polished it very slightly, mainly updating some cultural references, but it remains very much a product of the early eighties and a much younger writer. There’s some stuff in it about racists that seems kind of cartoonish these days (and I address that a bit in a new author’s note before the story). But mainly, it’s an odd bit of Southern magic realism owing more than a bit to Mark Twain and Stephen King.
Come on in, sit a while, and visit with the dead folks.
[UPDATE: As of March 30, 2011, “Dead Folks” is available at Amazon in Kindle format for 99¢ , and will soon be available at Barnes & Noble and other online vendors in other ebook formats.]
Santa Claus Is Coming…
There’s a very special Christmas story I would like to share with you, but it’s a story some of you should probably stay very far away from. It’s called Santa Steps Out, and was written by a gifted fellow named Robert Devereaux. Here’s the Amazon.com review:
In the opening lines of Santa Steps Out: A Fairy Tale for Grown-ups, we learn that God the Father had to “cut His vacation short” and is in a “towering rage” about it. It appears that while the archangel Michael was running things, the world got pretty screwed up. “Michael…you know that Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy are never to cross paths. It’s one of our Father’s most solemn injunctions.” Ah, that Tooth Fairy. She’s also got her hooks into the Easter Bunny.
Robert Devereaux is a master of vivid scene setting, especially gory scenes and sex scenes. There is a lot of sex in this book–mostly happy, lubricious sex that is sometimes downright amazing. Prepare for a strange and stimulating ride when you hop in the sleigh with Santa and witness all his adventures. Prepare to see childhood figures–figures known principally for delivering gifts in the night–in a whole new light. Devereaux is exuberantly polytheistic and well-grounded in Greek mythology, so along with the horror and humping, you’ll be entertained by some notions about where all these immortals may have come from in the first place.
I’ll leave it up to you whether you can take, and even enjoy, what this story has to offer. Me? Well, this is my own short review of the book from way back in 2000, when I gave it as a Christmas gift to a bunch of people:
I Want To See This In Claymation
This book IS over the top, and will easily offend those who offend easily. That’s fine. But the pleasures of this book don’t stop at its provocative nature. It’s also a genuinely creative, nigh brilliant, meditation on human sexual/romantic relationships, through a lens of cunning myth and trounced commercial archetypes. At the heart of the book, even at its most horrifying, is a nearly spiritual regard for the place of the carnal in our lives, and the spiritual enrichment that comes from the joys of the flesh…however you might find those joys.I highly recommend this. It’ll crack you up, it’ll keep your attention, and it might even stir your mind.
The book is unfortunately out of print, but easy enough to find used online. It deserves to become a holiday tradition. UPDATE: as of Dec 2010, the book is available in Kindle format from Amazon at this link.
Barbie Is Cool. Who Knew?
I cannot believe that Mattel is cool enough to do something like this, but apparently they are:
From the official site:
In 1963, Alfred Hitchcock, the Master of Suspense, gave us a tale of terror not soon forgotten in his film “The Birds.” Dressed in a re-creation of the stylish green skirt-suit worn by the film’s ill-fated heroine in an iconic scene, Alfred Hitchcock’s “The Birds” Barbie® Doll celebrates the 45th anniversary of the acclaimed film. From the doll’s classic ensemble to the perfectly painted expression to the accompanying black birds, every aspect captures the film’s infamous appeal.
Brilliant! Campaign 2008 through a D&D filter
Someone called “Hedgehog” wrote this on their blog, which can be found at somehedgehog.livejournal.com.
It’s marvelous. Continue reading
As Putin Rears His Head…
Under An Outlaw Moon 