Eddie Izzard is wonderful. Here’s one of his bits set to Lego…
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I’m enjoying the latest meme-thingy on Facebook, which allows you to choose a list of 5 things (“5 Favorite Foods,” “5 Jobs You’ve Had,” “5 Best Comic Book Characters,” that sort of thing), and allows you to pick pictures to show those things. The results look something like this:
| Tim Byrd – Who would you want to play you in a movie? | |||||
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| Tim Byrd chose Viggo Mortensen, Aidan Quinn, Mel Gibson, george clooney, Tim Byrd. | |||||
| Tim Byrd – People you would like to Punch In The Face! | |||||
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| Tim Byrd chose George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter, Glenn Beck and Sean Hannity, George W. Bush. | |||||
| Tim Byrd – biggest celebrity crushes | |||||
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| Tim Byrd chose Shania Twain, Salma Hayek, Kate Beckinsale, Shakira, Veronica Lake. | |||||
| Tim Byrd – books you love | |||||
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| Tim Byrd chose Winter’s Tale, Something Wicked This Way Comes, Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West, Lonesome Dove, The Stand. | |||||
| Tim Byrd – Where you have lived | |||||
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| Tim Byrd chose Jonesboro, GA, Chattanooga, TN, Treysa, Germany, Kassel, Germany, Decatur, GA. | |||||
(I searched for images that truly captured the heart and soul of each of these places).
I’ve been having a bit of fun coming up with my own versions. Here are two I liked doing:
| Tim Byrd – Ingredients You’d Mix To Make Me | |||||
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| Tim Byrd chose Indiana Jones, Groucho Marx, A Werewolf, Wyatt Earp, Joss Whedon. | |||||
| Tim Byrd – People I Should Have Married Instead. | |||||
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| Tim Byrd chose Felicia Day, Shania Twain, JK Rowling, Caroline Dhavernas, Mary Louise Parker. | |||||
Go to this site and read THE BESTEST EVAR SUPERMAN COMIC IN THE WHOLE WIDE UNIVERSE.
It is, in a word, fuckingfunny. Here’s a taste:

Jon Stewart at his best, taking conservatives to task for the escalating hissy-fits they’ve been throwing since they legitimately lost an election (as opposed to illegitimately winning one)…
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I wish Americans weren’t so hung up so we could have cool ads like this.
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This is funny as hell.
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…is this flash game. It is wildly cathartic, often hilarious, and, alas, lacking in blood and cracking and crunching noises.
Facebook is full of list memes, swarms of friendly spam that ricochet through communities of acquaintance, asking for folks to share their favorite whatevers, tell facts about themselves, or just goof off in some weird or creative way. Earlier, I posted my response to the “25 Random Facts About Me” meme (Two Baker’s Dozens of Things About Me, Minus One), which, once I actually applied myself, I found to be an enjoyable endeavor, and I’ve had nice feedback from my friends.
I also partook of a few others, like the one listing my favorite musical performers and the one listing authors who’ve influenced me. Trivial stuff, maybe…but like status messages and many other minor features of Facebook, it’s a sort of virtual small talk that informs friends about each other’s tastes and notions and general headspace. It encourages dialogue, and that’s not a bad thing.
Most of it’s not really blog-worthy, but I found the 25 Things meme cool enough to share here, and here’s another one that I found really entertaining. It’s one of several called a “Name Game,” but maybe ought to be called “The Google Name Game.” It asks that you insert your first name into various phrases and search for them on Google, then choose the best result off the first page of hits and put that in as your answer. I added comments to each because I’m always looking for new places to be a smartass (and I think doing so personalizes what would otherwise just be a bit of random fun).
Here’s the exercise, with my altered version of the directions. Maybe I’ll see yours on Facebook.
The Google Name Game
Google the following, then select the best result from the first page of hits and add a {personal comment} for each answer.
1: Type in “[your name] needs” in the Google search:
Tim needs haircut.
{which is true}
2: Type in “[your name] looks like” in Google search:
Tim looks like Eminem–Hawt!
{thanks…?}
3: Type in “[your name] hates” in Google search:
Tim hates sick orphans.
{damn their hides}
4: Type in “[your name] goes” or “..has gone” in Google:
Tim goes nutsball wacko.
{it is the full moon}
5: Type in “[your name] loves” in Google search:
Tim loves dolls.
{please, they’re action figures}
6: Type in “[your name] eats” in Google search:
Tim eats the first electric pickle.
{at least I’m a pioneer}
7: Type in “[your name] has” in Google search:
Tim has the experience and insights to make your home’s electrical installations, maintenance, and repair projects easy, safe, and fun!
{because I ate the electric pickle}
8: Type in “[your name] works” in Google:
Tim works at a bakery and can prepare a birthday cake in 4 hours.
{made from sick orphans}
9: Type in”[your name] lives” in Google search:
Tim lives in F-land.
{or I used to, anyway, before I got married}
10: Type in “[your name] died” in Google search:
Tim died while doing what he enjoyed with the woman he loved.
{if this is an advance peek at my obit, maybe I’m headed back to F-land!}
11: Type in “[your name] will” in Google:
Tim will work with Joss Whedon again, this time on DOLLHOUSE.
{dammit, now the universe is just mocking me}
KISS, keeping the world safe since 1972…
Many, many thanks to Caeric ArcLight for showing me this.
The universe is trying to fuck with my head.
About a week and a half ago, my son and I ordered Chinese food from a local establishment and it was divinely tasty (Pyng Ho, for you curious Decaturites). Afterward, we broke out the fortune cookies to see what Destiny had to say. Nathaniel cracked his first, and I don’t remember what his fortune was. Then I cracked mine open, to find…nothing. No fortune at all.
We joked around about my lack of destiny, my looming doom, that sort of thing.
Well, last night was the weekly family night, in which he and I and my soon-to-be-ex get together so Nathaniel can still have some of the family dynamic he craves (a nice side effect is, it also allows me and the soon2bx to be around each other in a friendly way, regularly, which I think helps alleviate a good deal of the acid that can build up between people getting divorced). We alternate hosting, and it was her turn and she’d decided we were going to go to Doc Chey’s for whatever remained of their Chinese New Year festivities. Doc Chey’s however was closed for that sacred of sacreds, the Superbowl. A quick discussion of possible alternates led to an eager vote for Pyng Ho from Nathaniel, who was salivating over the memory of their sesame chicken.
So, to Pyng Ho we go.
A mussels appetizer that was just tasty goodness. Shrimp fried rice, sesame chicken, and teriyaki chicken, all split three ways. Mango lemonade for me, a honey-peach smoothie for Nathaniel, hot green tea (that never actually arrived for some reason, and I have to say our server, who wasn’t busy, was brusque almost to the point of rudeness) for the soon2bx. A wonderful meal.
Then, the fortune cookies. Nathaniel went first, read his. Soon2bx was next, read hers. My turn. We made some cracks about my lingering lack of fortune from the last time, then I broke it open.
Inside, there were two fortunes.
As we near the blessed day that (hopefully) the door hits George W. Bush in the ass on his way out, I want to commemorate two bits of canny reportage by The Onion that serve as a pair of bookends to the worst presidency our country has ever inflicted upon itself and the world.
The first, Bush: ‘Our Long National Nightmare Of Peace And Prosperity Is Finally Over’ was one of the single most prescient bits of political writing I’ve ever seen, and had to have actually been written by a time-traveler from the future (or perhaps someone who was actually paying attention to George W. Bush at the time):
“My fellow Americans,” Bush said, “at long last, we have reached the end of the dark period in American history that will come to be known as the Clinton Era, eight long years characterized by unprecedented economic expansion, a sharp decrease in crime, and sustained peace overseas. The time has come to put all of that behind us.”
The second, the video Bush Tours America To Survey Damage Caused By His Disastrous Presidency, is very recent and accurately sums the whole time up in a very funny way:
Goodbye, George. May your name rot forever in history.
This video, advertising Microsoft’s new program Songsmith, is the funniest damn thing I’ve seen in a while. I’m glad I don’t live in the same universe these people live in…
Alan Gratz (a really good writer, whose books you should read) has a blog post envisioning what a crossover betwixt Twilight and Buffy the Vampire Slayer might be like:
Following up on the tip from Oz’s werewolf contacts, Buffy climbs in the window of recent Sunnydale High transfer student BELLA SWAN to discover EDWARD CULLEN, a vampire, watching the girl as she sleeps. Edward, apparent-age 17, is impossibly beautiful, with angular features and marble-like skin that sparkles.
BUFFY: Whoa. Turn it down there, Tinkerbell.
EDWARD: Shhh! You’ll wake my darling Isabella!
BUFFY: Right. Sorry. It’s just you really ought to take the batteries out. Somebody might mistake you for a Christmas tree.
EDWARD: I’m sorry. It’s my vampire skin. It sparkles in the sun or the bright light of the moon.
BUFFY: Uh-huh.
It’s great fun, and can be read at http://gratzindustries.blogspot.com/2008/12/edward-vs-buffy.html

There’s a very special Christmas story I would like to share with you, but it’s a story some of you should probably stay very far away from. It’s called Santa Steps Out, and was written by a gifted fellow named Robert Devereaux. Here’s the Amazon.com review:
In the opening lines of Santa Steps Out: A Fairy Tale for Grown-ups, we learn that God the Father had to “cut His vacation short” and is in a “towering rage” about it. It appears that while the archangel Michael was running things, the world got pretty screwed up. “Michael…you know that Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy are never to cross paths. It’s one of our Father’s most solemn injunctions.” Ah, that Tooth Fairy. She’s also got her hooks into the Easter Bunny.
Robert Devereaux is a master of vivid scene setting, especially gory scenes and sex scenes. There is a lot of sex in this book–mostly happy, lubricious sex that is sometimes downright amazing. Prepare for a strange and stimulating ride when you hop in the sleigh with Santa and witness all his adventures. Prepare to see childhood figures–figures known principally for delivering gifts in the night–in a whole new light. Devereaux is exuberantly polytheistic and well-grounded in Greek mythology, so along with the horror and humping, you’ll be entertained by some notions about where all these immortals may have come from in the first place.
I’ll leave it up to you whether you can take, and even enjoy, what this story has to offer. Me? Well, this is my own short review of the book from way back in 2000, when I gave it as a Christmas gift to a bunch of people:
I Want To See This In Claymation
This book IS over the top, and will easily offend those who offend easily. That’s fine. But the pleasures of this book don’t stop at its provocative nature. It’s also a genuinely creative, nigh brilliant, meditation on human sexual/romantic relationships, through a lens of cunning myth and trounced commercial archetypes. At the heart of the book, even at its most horrifying, is a nearly spiritual regard for the place of the carnal in our lives, and the spiritual enrichment that comes from the joys of the flesh…however you might find those joys.I highly recommend this. It’ll crack you up, it’ll keep your attention, and it might even stir your mind.
The book is unfortunately out of print, but easy enough to find used online. It deserves to become a holiday tradition. UPDATE: as of Dec 2010, the book is available in Kindle format from Amazon at this link.
I cannot believe that Mattel is cool enough to do something like this, but apparently they are:

From the official site:
In 1963, Alfred Hitchcock, the Master of Suspense, gave us a tale of terror not soon forgotten in his film “The Birds.” Dressed in a re-creation of the stylish green skirt-suit worn by the film’s ill-fated heroine in an iconic scene, Alfred Hitchcock’s “The Birds” Barbie® Doll celebrates the 45th anniversary of the acclaimed film. From the doll’s classic ensemble to the perfectly painted expression to the accompanying black birds, every aspect captures the film’s infamous appeal.
Someone called “Hedgehog” wrote this on their blog, which can be found at somehedgehog.livejournal.com.
It’s marvelous. Continue reading
Just saw this great Watchmen ala Peanuts image on the Kotaku gaming site, and just had to share:

Love Rorshach Snoopy.
Here we see a video by the lovely, profane, and lovely comedian Sarah Silverman, in which she tries to convince young Jewish voters to visit their grandparents in Florida to get them to vote for Obama.
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John McCain’s poll numbers are plummeting, so he’s now trying to run out the clock. He’s realized that the more voters see of him and his fulsome running mate, the worse things get. So he’s trying to take cover behind the financial crisis, trying to appear presidential by “suspending his campaign” in order to go to Washington and personally save the economy.
To John McCain, this does two positive things. First, and probably most importantly, it gets him out of the line of fire for a while, he can pretend to a statecraft that doesn’t allow for the pettiness of campaigning and duck questions even more than he’s already been doing. He can put off a potentially disastrous face-off with the more charismatic and far more intellectually vigorous Barack Obama by “postponing” the first debate, hoping all the while that since time is so tight before the election, they’d never be able to get around to it again. Ideally, he’ll be able to get Palin out of having to debate Biden as well, if he can wrangle the schedule just right.
Second, if he’s in Washington looking all serious and such for the cameras, once the bailout bill goes through, he can pretend he was integral to its passage. It’s not statesmanship, its photo op politics at its most cynical.
In the process of starting all this, he’s already shown himself yet again to be an utter liar. Scheduled to appear on David Letterman’s show, he called the host to cancel, claiming he had to race back to Washington. Unfortunately for McCain, Letterman discovered that McCain hadn’t actually left by the time the show was taping, and was instead still in town sitting down for an interview with Katie Couric at CBS.
Letterman’s response was true must-see TV: