In Constant Sorrow Through His Days… (Song of the Week, 3/8/2012)

Strugglin’ on…always laughing…

The lights begin to twinkle from the rocks:
The long day wanes: the slow moon climbs: the deep
Moans round with many voices. Come, my friends,
’Tis not too late to seek a newer world.
Push off, and sitting well in order smite
The sounding furrows; for my purpose holds
To sail beyond the sunset, and the baths
Of all the western stars, until I die.

It may be that the gulfs will wash us down:
It may be we shall touch the Happy Isles,
And see the great Achilles, whom we knew.
Tho’ much is taken, much abides; and tho’
We are not now that strength which in old days
Moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are;
One equal temper of heroic hearts,
Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will
To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.
(Tennyson)

Good Memories of 2011, Day 1: Electroshock Therapy

 

Yeah, I know. Electroshock therapy? A good memory?

Yep.

I’ve struggled greatly, for years, with chronic, terrible depression, and I’ve done therapy and all sorts of self help and multifarious concoctions of antidepressant meds, but nothing actually worked to any significant degree. I finally got desperate and started looking into electroshock, or as it’s known these days, electroconvulsive therapy (ECT). Continue reading

On Track 2.0

It’s late and I should be in bed. So what better time to update the couple of people out there who’re interested in what’s been going on with me.

Previously On Under An Outlaw Moon

Tim struggled with deep dark depression. Tim underwent ECT, electroconvulsive therapy, aka electroshock treatments. It was pretty cool, and helped a lot.

Tim started a plan to get his life in order, calling it “On Track.” Among other things, he was writing every day, and exercising regularly, and he posted his progress online so people could see if he was doing what he was supposed to. This went really well for a while. Then, it didn’t.

Depression returned. Inertia set in. Tim floundered…

So, what’s happened since then? Continue reading

Where IS My Mind? My Return, My Headspace, and the Song of the Week…

It’s been a while.

Partly this was due to a very enjoyable New York vacation (thanks again, Phil & Angie, with a drunken shout-out to Ross), partly due to a general psychological crunch brought on by a major health scare (which proved to be false, thank the gods) and the last radioactive traces of the break-up I’d been trying to fix for way too long, partly due to what seems to be a normalization process in my brain after the giddy trauma of electroshock therapy.

I’ve been out of town and off my game. And most definitely off track.

But, I’m back. I’m healthy. My heart is healed, if still grieving at the loss of someone who would be a fine friend (but who, in truth, I think was right about our romantic incompatibility…the signs were there all along, I just chose to ignore them). And the worst of the crazy brought on by my ECT treatments seems to have receded, leaving me still better able to deal with my demon depression, but not an emotional basket case. It’s like my spine has returned from sabbatical. I am again myself. Mostly. I think.

Now it’s time to get back to work. I’m renewing my commitment to my On Track program, formally beginning this coming Monday. And I’m going to be fine-tuning it some, based on my earlier experiences (for instance, I’m upping my daily minimum word count for writing to 1,000 rather than 500).

Also, I should be on here more again. I hope you’ll join me.

In the meantime, here’s the first Song of the Week in a while, a haunting and lovely piano cover of the Pixies’ “Where Is My Mind” by Maxence Cyrin.