There’s a very special Christmas story I would like to share with you, but it’s a story some of you should probably stay very far away from. It’s called Santa Steps Out, and was written by a gifted fellow named Robert Devereaux. Here’s the Amazon.com review:

In the opening lines of Santa Steps Out: A Fairy Tale for Grown-ups, we learn that God the Father had to “cut His vacation short” and is in a “towering rage” about it. It appears that while the archangel Michael was running things, the world got pretty screwed up. “Michael…you know that Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy are never to cross paths. It’s one of our Father’s most solemn injunctions.” Ah, that Tooth Fairy. She’s also got her hooks into the Easter Bunny.

Robert Devereaux is a master of vivid scene setting, especially gory scenes and sex scenes. There is a lot of sex in this book–mostly happy, lubricious sex that is sometimes downright amazing. Prepare for a strange and stimulating ride when you hop in the sleigh with Santa and witness all his adventures. Prepare to see childhood figures–figures known principally for delivering gifts in the night–in a whole new light. Devereaux is exuberantly polytheistic and well-grounded in Greek mythology, so along with the horror and humping, you’ll be entertained by some notions about where all these immortals may have come from in the first place.

I’ll leave it up to you whether you can take, and even enjoy, what this story has to offer. Me? Well, this is my own short review of the book from way back in 2000, when I gave it as a Christmas gift to a bunch of people:

I Want To See This In Claymation

This book IS over the top, and will easily offend those who offend easily. That’s fine. But the pleasures of this book don’t stop at its provocative nature. It’s also a genuinely creative, nigh brilliant, meditation on human sexual/romantic relationships, through a lens of cunning myth and trounced commercial archetypes. At the heart of the book, even at its most horrifying, is a nearly spiritual regard for the place of the carnal in our lives, and the spiritual enrichment that comes from the joys of the flesh…however you might find those joys.I highly recommend this. It’ll crack you up, it’ll keep your attention, and it might even stir your mind.

The book is unfortunately out of print, but easy enough to find used online. It deserves to become a holiday tradition. UPDATE: as of  Dec 2010, the book is available in Kindle format from Amazon at this link.