Monthly Archives: February 2011

Fridge (Sorta) Funnies

Wasn't on my fridge, but funny anyway.

I’m straightening up the Byrdcave for my much anticipated visit from my sweetheart, and one of the things I’ve done was to clear the clutter that has accumulated under the magnets on the fridge the past three years. Mostly expired coupons and reminders to do things that it’s far too late to get around to, but there were a couple of things on there that I found moderately amusing, so I’ve scanned them to share them hereon for eternity…

First, this was a picture I cut out of the Atlanta Urinal-Constipation, our excuse for a local newspaper. It shows a guy carrying a dog, but it looks like a dogheaded man carrying a dog. I thought it was funny.

Ruh-Roh!

Then we have an actual ad from a furniture dealer in which, along with the furnishings, they’re offering a one night stand, I guess with the cutie sitting on the bed. Though she seems sorta young. Maybe somebody should investigate this place.

"Take me home at a discount!"

Woman

Women.

As the old saying goes, “You can’t live without them.” Okay, that’s not the whole saying, but the other part is bullshit and we’re gonna ignore it.

Being a straight man, much of my attention and energy has gone toward the observation, wooing, and cherishing of women. For the most part, I’ve been fortunate in my relationships, and remember my exes fondly. I’m even on quite friendly terms with my ex-wife, which is great for all concerned but especially our son.

I lost my mom when I was just a year and a half old, and the women who my father married as I grew up were disasters; the first beat the hell out of me, the second manipulated my father in order to drive a wedge between him and me (which worked because he let it work, as I’ve blogged about before). I had a very smart lady therapist tell me once it was amazing I didn’t grow up a misogynist after all the crap I went through during my developmental years. All I can figure is my mom imprinted so strongly, lovingly, and positively on me that it was her, not them, who defined womanhood for me.

Whatever the case, I’ve always loved women, not just in the physical and romantic senses. I take pleasure in their grace and beauty, I am moved by their strength. And the women I like most are smart, witty women; I’ve never understood men who want a stupid woman in their lives, no matter how gorgeous she may be.

My lady Kate is gorgeous and sexy as hell. She is also smart and witty and strong. Our politics are in sync, we’re carnivorous bookworms, and we both see true spirituality in the real pagan wilds of nature. Our rapport is amazing, she is my smartass match, and our, lets say, carnal drives are both powerful and frisky. She’s Susan to my Spenser, Hepburn to my Tracy, Nora to my Nick. Together we’re like characters in a Howard Hawkes movie, and I enjoy the hell out of our repartee.

I am head over heels in love with her.

We met last November and have been steadily getting acquainted ever since, till last weekend we decided to commit to each other. That was an easy step for me to make because I have never met anyone so amazingly perfect for me. She’s my muse. If I’d put in an order to the universe with all the precise specifications I wanted in a woman, Kate would have been the result. Who knows? Maybe that’s exactly what happened. Maybe years of thinking about her brought her my way.

Or maybe I’m just lucky as hell.

Adventures In Customer Service: Guild Wars (NCSOFT)

Years ago, I got into Guild Wars, loved the game, and have been looking forward to Guild Wars 2. I also played some City of Heroes, which is from the same company, NCSOFT.

My favorite character to play in Guild Wars was a ranger/warrior named Otter of Darkwood. Lean and shapely, with long auburn hair, I enjoyed her so much I rebuilt her in several other games I’ve tried over the years, like Age of Conan and Oblivion.

Well, as some of you know, I am now romantically entangled with a lovely lass named Kate. This morning, I remembered Otter and realized that she actually looks a hell of a lot like Kate. Kate even shares my interest in archery, Otter’s specialty. I figured I’d pop into the game and take a screenshot to show her. (The shot above I found on my computer, taken long ago).

I clicked on the dusty old Guild Wars icon, and the game went into its auto-update mode, drawing in all the changes and such that have occurred in the many long months since I entered its world. Finally it was ready. I signed in.

And got an error message telling me my account was banned.

Continue reading →

Pulp Adventure In The Sheets [Updated]

It has been a gloriously pulpy week here in the Byrdcave. Three deliveries brought big doses of pulp adventure to add to my to-read stack. The assorted volumes can be seen here, cavorting in my bed:

First delivery brought my latest Doc Savage and Shadow reprints from Anthony Tollin’s Sanctum Books.

Second delivery brought Wayne Reinagel’s Pulp Heroes: Khan Dynasty, the prequel to his epic Pulp Heroes: More Than Mortal (which I intend to review at some point).

And finally, third delivery brought the hefty hardback B.P.R.D. Plague of Frogs, collecting lots of Mike Mignola goodness in the Hellboy universe. And, yeah, Hellboy is pulp. Hellboy is as pulp as it gets.

UPDATE: Wow, this is a pulpilicious week. The fourth delivery brought the new Spider reprints from Girasol.

Lots to look forward to.

I also received a photo of a beautiful woman with her brand new copy of Doc Wilde and The Frogs of Doom, all dark-eyed glee that she’s got my book.

I tell you, that does a writer good.

Look! Up In The Sky!

An incredible short, hand-animated by Robb Pratt, full of supery goodness. I love it, particularly his take on Lois Lane.

And if you like that, and aren’t familiar with the classic Fleischer Bros. Superman cartoons from the ’40s, check this out:

Of Forests and Men

There is some spectacular and gorgeous footage of forests in this video. Which is apropos, as it’s about forests.

Thanks to the lovely Kate for sharing this…

Yann Arthus-Bertrand was appointed by the United Nations to produce the official film for the International Year of Forests.

Following the success of Home which was seen by 400 million people, the photographer began producing a short 7-minute film on forests made up of aerial images from Home and the Vu du Ciel television programmes.

This film will be shown during a plenary session of the Ninth Session of United Nations Forum on Forests (24 January – 4 February 2011) in New York. It will be available to all from February 2 – for free – so that it can be shown worldwide.

goodplanet.org/​forets

Doc Wilde: “A Rip-Roarin’, Action-Packed, Thrill Ride Of A Book”

 

Order Now!

I somehow missed a review of my book, Doc Wilde and The Frogs of Doom, by Conan Tigard at Reading Review. Now that it has come to my attention, I’ll share it with you.

The review has a detailed plot summary of the book, therefore is loaded with spoilage. But here’s the pertinent, spoiler-free part:

Doc Wilde and the Frogs of Doom is a rip-roarin’, action-packed, thrill ride of a book that will leave the reader breathless. The book starts out with a bang and never slows down until the last page has been read. This book reads like an old-fashioned dime store novel from the 1940′s. It feels like a old-time thrilling radio show from the era before there was television…

I can only hope that this new author, Tim Byrd, makes an entire series with these characters. Sure, the characters are a little unbelievable with all the cool things they can do, but I loved it anyways… It’s like having multiple versions of a young Indiana Jones in this book.

Overall, Doc Wilde and the Frogs of Doom is an excellent story that will keep a young reader, and even an older one like me, reading this book far past their bedtime. So, grab your flashlight, boys, tell your parents you are going to bed, and stay up all night reading this adventure under your sheets, so your parents cannot see the light. You will love it.

I rated this book a 9 out of 10.

The full review is here, but remember, it’s full of spoilers…

Malaprop 3: The Ironing

(Read Malaprop 1…Read Malaprop 2…)

The time feels right for another installment of my Malaprop series, in which I share some delightful literature I’ve snipped from hither and thither on the net…

Can you spot all the errors? Continue reading →

Republicans Should Save Health Care In America!

While engaging in some funny smartassery, this guy makes one of the most cogent statements about the Republican side of the health care issue I’ve heard in a while…